Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
