i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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