I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You are the jesus of drinking
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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