i may or may not be watching the land before time
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
