it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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