We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
ā€ˇ"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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