Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
