my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
