Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
