My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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