a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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