i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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