My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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