I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
