Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
