Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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