I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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