I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
