He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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