Whod you bang
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My liver just had a heart attack.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
