I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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