so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
