I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
