True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize