I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
