dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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