my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
