Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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