my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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