and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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