Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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