We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
