dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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