haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
