Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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