His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
