yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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