hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
