i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
