I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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