I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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