i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize