i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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