First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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