How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
