i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
