Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
