just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
