Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
