Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
