He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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