Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
