if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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