I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
