it wasn't lemon gatorade
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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