this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
