if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
