Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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