I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
