Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize