before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
