yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
