I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
