Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
