Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
