the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
