Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
