Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
