My friends, they love my intelligence
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
