his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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