i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize