I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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