also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
