Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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