It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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